I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. and I wish I could run to you and I hope you know that every time I don’t, I almost do.

We made quite a mess babe, we’re probably better off this way. And I confess baby, in my dreams you’re touching my face, and asking me if I want to try again with you, and I almost do.

Smoking in bed and listening to my Lana Del Rey/Frank Ocean playlist. Bliss, I swear.

As of last night my life is over. I’m 18 yet my parents treat me like I’m 12. I’m over it.

It’s official! I’m going to Santa Barbara the weekend of the 15th to visit my best friend! I miss her so much.

I havent felt this alone in a very long time. 

mayapapaya:

I wish I could wake up and be five to ten to fifteen pounds lighter just so it’d be easier to lift myself out of my bed. I feel heavy these days. Not in a fat way, necessarily, but in a “need to sleep more and forget what I look like” way.

It’s storming and I’m home alone at a house that isn’t even mine. 

I’m getting my puppy on either Sunday or Monday! Please help me name her, I’m having a tough time!

Last night I went to a kickback and I got really drunk. Usually I’m not a sad drunk but I guess last night I was. Anyway I was crying to my friend Jasmin about my life and everything and then once I got home I literally wanted to die. I tweeted that I was going to kill myself (even though it was barely readable) and I wrote on facebook “goodbye” (and that was barely readable too). I dont know why, but I decided to lay in my brothers bed because he had fallen asleep on the bed downstairs. I am guessing that I passed out in the process of thinking about how I was going to kill myself, why I wanted to, and the aftermath of it all, because I woke up at 4 am to my mom screaming and crying. Basically word got around really fast about my tweets and statuses because everyone was writing on my wall, tweeting me, calling me, and texting me. And eventually, this guy I went to highschool with even came to my house at 4am to make sure that I was ok. When he did, my mom came running upstairs and couldn’t find me so of course she was freaking out but then eventually found me in my brother’s bed. I’ve never seen her cry so hard. And then 20 minutes later, the police showed up at my house. Basically parents both know now that I’m an  avid drinker and still depressed even after therapy and meds so she and my dad are trying to send me to a clinic or rehab center. Only I’m 18 so I don’t have to go but I’m trying to decide if I should go or not. But anyway, that was my night.